Dr. Judith Gerhart, CFP
Certified Divorce Financial Analyst 
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Advice to Boomers Divorcing
March 7, 2009
Let’s face it Boomers have had a great ride in their life times. They have had sexual freedom, economic good times and enormous personal growth possibilities. Yet the truth of the matter is that lots of them have compromised their lives for their children, the values and /or their goals. There is nothing wrong with this. I know it is true and part of human nature. Boomers, in many respects, are like other generations.
So that leaves me with a bit of confusion. Why do Boomers say they want a divorce and then decide to stay married? Maybe they don’t want to be part of the 50% of married couples who get divorce annually. Or another reason to stay married is the recent economic downturns of 40% to 50% of financial portfolio. Maybe the financial reasons have nothing to do it. Maybe they have outgrown each other. Maybe they stayed together for the children. Whatever the reason(s) I am convinced for every individual Boomer there is a slightly different rationale. (We Boomers are a creative group.) Most certainly there is always a reason that is repeatedly expressed by a Boomer, as to why he/she stays married. Yet, 50% do, in fact, end up divorced.
I am one of the divorce statistics and among the oldest Boomers. I have unofficially observed marriage/divorce activities and conversations for decades, primarily because I got a divorce in my twenties. This was unheard of. You can imagine the uproar in my family when I made the announcement. Divorce had never occurred in my family. There was shame around the topic. I was uninvited to my grandparents Christmas dinner as punishment. I became, in one fell swoop, the back sheep of the family. My divorce was gut wrenching. I know what other Boomer women experience and might be going through. (Thankfully, I eventually re-united and issues were resolved but it took awhile.)
Coincidentally, as I evolved in my profession, I became a mentor for Boomer women and then specifically for separating and/or divorcing women. I began to formulate the perspective that Boomer women needed lots of emotional and financial support when divorcing. The legal aspect was not nearly as daunting. (Frankly the legal aspects are over played and certainly over dramatized by the lawyers.) You, yourself know, that people talk for decades NOT about the legal aspects of their divorce but rather about their feelings during and after the divorce and their financial settlement. Clearly the emotional and financial components of a divorce are critical and have long-term implications in a Boomers life.
Fortunately, for me I learned early how to emotionally and financially survive while mentoring others. I have been supporting and working with divorcing Boomer women for years. Usually they have ended up on the weaker side of the financial situation. That is to say, they get less than their fair share of the money, which is exactly why I became a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst. It is not that the women are stupid or dumb, far from it. Most are bright, well-educated, terrific mothers and professionally successful. Boomers have always been a new-breed, a new generation with a profoundly fresh view of life.
Just like Boomer men, Boomer women’s ability to be successful in business has barely anything to do with their ability to be successful in a marriage. Professional and personal lives are simply two distinct parts of most humans. Yes, they overlap, but one cannot assume success in one area determines or indicates success in the other. And success is highly subjective.
Back to the point, Boomer women often find themselves initially stuck in the divorce process. They are usually unaware of what they don’t know. As a result they don’t know what questions to ask or how to get the support they need. They are lost is an abyss. They have no idea where to start. They have no notion of how to pick up the pieces. They often become immobilized or in some cases so angry they can’t effectively function in their daily lives. Sometimes their emotions consume them and further cloud their thinking.
Boomers who have been married for a longer time frequently have more challenges. This may be due to having children, having made more financial commitments and more emotional involvement. The combination of reasons for the enormous challenges is endless. Suffice to say, a person, especially a Boomer woman, truly needs more than a lawyer when getting a divorce.
Tell you Boomer friends, who may be contemplating a divorce, to do them selves a huge lifetime favor and find a qualified Certified Divorce Financial Analyst. The Divorce Financial Analyst needs to be a collaborative thinker, emotionally supportive, a trusted individual and one who can help your Boomer friend navigate the divorce maze.
By: Dr. Judith Gerhart
Posted by Judith Gerhart on March 7, 2009 | Permalink | Post a comment
Topics: My Articles |
