Dr. Judith Gerhart, CFP
Certified Divorce Financial Analyst 
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And More Tips on Getting a Good Divorce
July 28, 2008
Opt out of court:
All five experts generally agree that a professional mediator is a better choice for resolving your differences than a litigation-oriented lawyer - with certain caveats, Mikesell adds, such as when there’s a “huge power imbalance” between husband and wife. “The court system creates stress and drama by its very nature,” Rachman says.
She suggests that couples visit a lawyer together for a one-hour consultation, “just to learn the rules, and get the child-support guidelines, what the general property-division laws are in that state.” Rachman advises working out child-custody and visitation arrangements with a mediator or a family therapist.
Sherman agrees: “Realize that the legal system is a place of fighting. You want to avoid fighting.”
Keep kids out of it: “Children should not be set up as prizes,” Rachman says. “Unless one parent is a terrible alcoholic or pedophile, kids need to see both parents as much as possible.”
Rachman also cautions against using children to pass messages between parents. “Communicate through emails,” she suggests, “not on the phone or in person when the kids can overhear.”
Emery says a parent’s first job is to provide “a stable emotional environment” for kids. Most of all, he says, let the kids be kids. “I tell kids all the time, ‘Your job through all of this is to be a kid, to do all the things a kid does.”
Sherman says: You have to show kids that problem solving works…So what if you’re living in an apartment and not a mansion? You can be happy there.”
Posted by Judith Gerhart on July 28, 2008 | Permalink | Post a comment
Topics: Divorce, My Articles, Tips, Women's Health |
