Dr. Judith Gerhart, CFP
Certified Divorce Financial Analyst 
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How did you get into this Mess? My insight into Reasons for Divorce
May 23, 2008
You may not realize it at first, but the time bomb for financial crisis sets early in a relationship, often as soon as two people meet.
Lets step backs a minute to understand this truth. You marry for all the obvious reasons you look to your partner for stability, warmth, ambition, sensitivity, success, money, and ah….. mystery. You often marry to complete yourself, ascribing to your partner magical properties that he/she may or may not have.
Harvelle Hendrix calls this an Imago match.
Many of us marry for the qualities we think we do not have, but want to acquire.
Its here in the twilight zone of your emotions, that you make the psychological contract of wedlock. One of you assumes the responsibility of controlling the course of married life and more importantly, your financial life. The other agrees to be pleasing and supportive, the dream partner who fulfills the common wish of the marriage.
Thats the dream scenario.
But more often than not, the wedlock contract eventually turns to a “deadlock” contract in which couples are stuck in unequal and opposing roles. These opposing roles can be seen in every aspect of your marriage. How you treat money, how you raise your children and even how you decorate your home. Marriage therapists often say
“the more you need your spouse to make the world right for you, the deeper the wedlock contract, the more your are willing to accept emotional inequality in your relationship.”
The key transformation in the divorce process is the emergence of self.
It takes two to get married but you get divorced by yourself. Suddenly you’re responsible for decision-making. In particular, you are accountable for all the finances and the money decisions, a daunting task if you are not prepared.
This is Dr. Judith Gerhart wishing you a prosperous and inspiring day!
Posted by Judith Gerhart on May 23, 2008 | Permalink | Post a comment
Topics: Divorce, Finance, My Articles, Separation, Women's Health |
