Dr. Judith Gerhart, CFP
Certified Divorce Financial Analyst 
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Look For Fear Behind Other People’s Attempts to Control You
June 27, 2008
Instead of getting irritated with someone who tries to control you, try to understand the fear that motivates that person’s behaviour. If you can soothe those fears, the control will diminish. Yet you may have to rely on your own insight and intuition, because controllers seldom know the fears that motivate them.
In fact, if you asked what they were afraid of, they would probably say, “Nothing.”
But when you discover the fear that drives them, you’ll be able to respond with compassion instead of with your own fear or anger. Defensiveness and anger tend to increase the fear of controllers, making them even more controlling. Trying to control a controller is a sure-fire formula for a power struggle.
Instead, begin by mastering your reaction to their behaviour. Understanding, compassion and self-control are the abilities you need to co-create with controlling people.
I found reading this quote in a recent relationship editorial to be quite interesting. It made sense and I felt great compassion for that person at the office or my partner that tried to control me in some arena of our living together.
However, when I thought about the money arena I was forced to ask myself some different questions….
More discussion on that topic next time.
Posted by Judith Gerhart on June 27, 2008 | Permalink | Post a comment
Topics: Divorce, Post Divorce, Separation, Tips |
